Hi Everyone!

This post has been weighing on my brain because I’ve been a really bad blogger in the last three months and feel like I owe you some kind of an explanation. Seriously. I haven’t been happy with myself on the blogging front, it’s not fair to anyone who comes by and reads what I have to say but I am my own worse critic. I haven’t been posting nearly as much as I should. Hopefully, I will feel a little better after writing this and it will help me get back on track.

Let’s just cut to the chase. After almost five years, Sy and I split up last October. (You know, he’s the one who you see in a ton of the photo’s that I post, a huge reason for moving to Texas, and someone who I loved to peruse this state with.) That being said, it’s taken me a bit to get back onto the traveling train and to get out there and do stuff. After five years, hopefully you will agree that this feeling is probably natural but again, I’m my own worst critic. Before Sy, I was one of the most independent people that I knew. I would do anything by myself and not think twice, travel, concerts, etc. When Sy came along, I had to learn and allow myself that sometimes I didn’t have to be so independent. People change. Now that I’m 2,000 miles from home and after this life change, I somehow let myself use this as an excuse to go hide in a shell and wallow in self pity of the changes in my life. It’s not.

So here I am, I’m starting to come out of that shell and I’m going to admit it feels pretty damn good. I’m sure there’s going to be days where I need reassurance and a lift me up, but c’est la vie. I’m not sure what the future holds, not by any means but I’ve learned quite a bit in the last couple months. Here are a few of the lesson’s I’ve learned.

• Life has a way of throwing you curves and sometimes it feels like you are in a batting cage. Then there comes a time where you just have to learn to start swinging. Swing, and swing hard.
• No matter how much you love someone, at some point you have to stop giving and trying if nothing is coming back your way and that’s ok. (Remind myself here). That person should be fighting for you as much as you are them.
• “At the end of the day, the only person you can count on is yourself.” Someone told me this YEARS ago.
• I am truly amazed at the support system I have here in Texas. I feel pretty shitty (for a lack of a better word) that I didn’t realize just how big my support system was until this whole mess but I am truly, forever grateful. I’m not sure how I will ever be able to repay my gratitude. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

So where do I stand? Well, I’ve been living with friends but hopefully I’ll be moving into a place of my own in the very near future (well that’s the plan). Then in six months, my lease will run out and a big decision will be made. Do I stay or do I head back to those Green Mountains? As much as I love Texas and love the people (aka friends who are family) and culture (the music scene doesn’t get much better), I need some country air, I miss my family and frankly I feel kind of selfish missing out on my niece and family while I’m here. Yes, the job market is a lot better in Texas than Vermont but is that everything? Is it worth visiting family instead of visiting friends? You only have one family. So do I stay or do I head back home? There’s a lot of pros and cons. If I left, it’s going to be really hard. Heck, I might have even stayed here forever if things turned out a little different but that’s a whole big “what if” game isn’t it that we don’t need to play. Life has a way of working itself out.

So here’s to 2013. Here’s to focusing on me and what’s important to me right now and I need to believe that it will all come together as the big man upstairs intended. I’m really not sure what the plan is… frankly there isn’t one. Well, there is one… I’ve created this Texas Bucket List that you will see shortly (feel free to add suggestions) that I plan on conquering in the next six months “just in case”.

On a different note, I’m really curious… Has anyone ever tackled the question of “Do I stay or do I go?”? Do I stay in a place far from home or when do you say, it’s time to go home? I realize everything happens for a reason but I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If you read this, thanks for listening to my rant. I’m sorry that I haven’t been around, not to say that I haven’t been doing things. I have some pretty awesome people around me who have made sure to get me out there so there will be some catch up posts in the near future! In the meantime, let me know about your experiences and keep an eye out for my Texas Bucket List!

~ Diana